becoming-wave replied to your post: I’m not against all jokes about violence! You’re point is just fine here. I’m just saying that jokes about wanting to BE the victim freak me out because they speak to common female fantasy content, even if they create a certain distance thru humour. Changing or winning over abusive or neglectful men is a big theme in girl’s fantasies, especially young girls. So jokes are jokes yeah, but jokes about about things people think about, feel, etc. The cognitive dissonance is exactly what fuels it.

i’m sorry, i don’t like to make this argument, but you are not a girl. so presumably you haven’t had to actively deconstruct a fantasy structure that positioned you as a victim. arguably most girls have to face that down. this ‘joke’ points to that.

I’m not denying that at all — and I’m not a girl. I’m not really speculating about the possible fantasies of girls, either. All I’m saying is that we just can’t tell very much from someone tweeting “I’d let Chris Brown punch me in the face any day of the week” without knowing a lot more about them, their lives, etc. (I’m speaking to the fact that I have absolutely no idea what these women might be thinking — not [just] because they’re women, but because they’re complete strangers.) Similarly, my friends can’t just use romantic comedy tropes to explain everything about my relationship, nor can I say with any confidence that romantic comedy tropes have had, or have not had, any impact on me. Using fantasies drawn from popular culture as a way to make the messy process of understanding personal fantasies a little simpler, especially to describe how other people may or may not lead their lives as a result of these fantasies, is dangerous for us to do, as strangers who just don’t know.